Assholes Anonymous AA - Alcoholics Anonymous
enough to make you drink?

Try "Assholes Anonymous"
a pliable alternative


And it came to past that our friend was paroled after having been incarcerated for acts involving mind altering substances. As a condition of parole, he had to attend "AA" meetings at regular intervals and have a card initialed to provide proof of his attendance. Given his contempt for 12 step programs in general, we decided to provide him with an alternative "AA" that better suited his needs. So was born "Assholes Anonymous".


The basic tenant of "Assholes Anonymous" meetings is that anything goes - short of physical violence. Behavior is typically abrupt, arrogant, audacious, blasphemous, bold, brash, brave, brazen, brusque, cheeky, clumsy, coarse, cocky, courageous, crass, critical, crude, curt, daring, discourteous, disdainful, disparaging, disrespectful, excessive, flamboyant, flippant, forward, garish, gauche, gaudy, glaring, glib, gross, haughty, ill-bred, imperious, impertinent, impious, impolite, impudent, impulsive, inconsiderate, indelicate, insolent, intrepid, nervy, ostentatious, outrageous, pompous, presumptuous, primitive, profane, rash, reckless, rude, rustic, sacrilegious, sarcastic, skeptical, tactless, tasteless, tawdry, thoughtless, uncouth, undiplomatic, unrefined, vulgar, and wild. Well, what do you expect from a bunch of assholes?

Those who can not handle the freedom of expression at meetings are free to exercise their own freedom of expression by leaving. Occasions like this provide fodder for discussion by the surviving assholes.


Personal expression is encouraged and judged for originally, content, timeliness, and means of expression. Non-verbal sounds resulting from bodily functions are welcomed.


Are you an asshole?

You might be an asshole...
  1. if you ever walk out of a restaurant or stiff a waitress because the service was not fast enough?
  2. if you ever drive pass someone going too slow and slow down in front of them?
  3. if you make obscene gestures to other drivers?
  4. if you go ballistic if others do unto you what you do unto them?
  5. if there stores you have avoided for years because of the way you've been treated (or because you have embarrassed yourself)?
  6. if you never use your turn signal.
    if you think Newt Gingrich is a good guy.
    if you're a car sales-person.
    if you think Hitler had a point.
    if you're over 80 and drive.
    if you're a fan of Bill Gates and Microsoft.
    if you admire Al Sharpton.
    if you find Richard Simmons amusing.
  7. You voted for Dole/Kemp    fromTom Dineen of Livermore Falls, ME
  8. You accuse others, loud enough for other to hear, of the exact same things you are feeling guilty about yourself! ASSHOLE! And then you apologize out of everyone's ear range!    fromC.S. of Las Vegas, NV
  9. You purposely try to make others look bad in order to boost your low self esteem.    fromRon Rosen of Sunrise, FL
  10. If you spread Preparation H on yourself and poof!, you vanish!    fromMike of Northborough, MA
  11. You hang up the phone before giving the person enough time to reach the phone.
  12. You start a phone conversation with, I know you said not to call before 9am cause you work late but...
  13. You send out eamils that say, I saw your personal site, do you have any pictures?
  14. You answer an email with one word.. yes, three days after the question was sent to you and make no referance to the question.
  15. You switch email addresses and do not inclued your signature.
  16. You have an aol address
  17. when a live person answers the phone you wait for the recording to start.
  18. you dump one girl/guy and get a new one right in front of thier face. fromBo Bo Calgary, Alberta
  19. you fart and say "That asshole needs to stop talking shit behind my back!" and then blame it on someone else. fromTim - Pell City, AL
  20. If you love jesus but want to commit violence upon others who don't. fromIsmacku - Portland, OR
  21. when someone comes to you with their problems, confiding in you, and you turn around and make fun of them for it, or toture them for it fromMatt Charlie - Homestead, FL
  22. I identify a second type of asshole--the type that repeatedly exposes him/hersef to the abuses of type I assholes. Does AssA recognize type II assholes? fromDoug - Toronto, Ontario
Click here for MORE...
What other behaviors identify an asshole? Send us your ideas!
You might be an asshole if...

Tell us who you are, and we will thank you,
and (optionally) tell all to whom to give the credit/blame.
Who are you?
E-mail address:
City: State:
Do NOT print my name/address.

Sites many Assholes find amusing:
Tasteless Humor:Usenet
Tasteless Humor
Insult Servers
The Textual Abuse Page
Center For The Easily Amused
What constitutes an Asshole?
The International Asshole Club
The Assholes Anthology

These pages will look best if you come over to my office and look at them on my monitor. Also avaiable via Van Eck Radiation.
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." -Abraham Lincoln
If at first the idea is not absurd, then there is no hope for it. -Albert Einstein
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.
Do you hear that? That's the sound of me not caring.
Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
You are born, eat, breathe,hear, see, piss and defecate through a hole. All your life you chase after a hole and when you are dead, they put you in a hole. So you see my friend, there is no mystery to life, life is a hole.
The future masters of technology
will have to be lighthearted and intelligent.
The machine easily masters the grim and the dumb.
-- Marshall McLuhan, 1969
The Dancing Finger O' Sarcasm Award

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